Originally posted on: 6/28/2013

I struggled with an inferiority complex for the most part of my life. I had a hard time accepting compliments and feeling good about myself. The main reason was because of peer pressure.

I was taller than most my classmates, I had braces, I was skinny, I was really good at art, I was out sick quite often (due to a respiratory condition) and I was always nice to everyone. Sounds like reasons to like someone, right? Well, maybe some kids were jealous of me – don’t know. I do know that I was teased a LOT – even by my fourth grade teacher. 

I had a lot of orthodontist appointments and I would get to school when class had already started. “Oh, here comes Lena, late again” or “How nice of you to join us, Miss Lena” or some other comment about being late while addressing me as Lena. I always wanted to yell at her and say, “MY NAME ISN’T LENA!!” I would get so mad and so heartbroken that she did that to me. It didn’t make me be on time – it only provoked me to feel less important. Then, one day, after doing it to me again, she called me up to the front of the class. Loud enough for the whole class to hear, she said, “You know how I always address you as Lena? Well, it’s because you remind me of Lena Horne. SHE was always late. Every audition she went to, she would show up late.” I finally knew – somewhat of a relief and sort of a compliment – that she was identifying me with a famous actress/singer. Still, it was humiliating. She continued calling me Lena, but now she tacked on the last name .. “Miss Lena Horne ….” At some point she stopped doing it, but the damage was done and even continued out of the class because kids would mock the teacher, ‘Miss LENA.”

Whether you’re struggling with low self-esteem, healing from bullying, or just learning how to love yourself more, this challenge is a powerful step toward emotional healing. Alright class, Miss Lena has a self-love challenge for you – even if you are already nice to yourself and have confidence in who you are. 

Challenge #1a: Every time you use the bathroom or pass by a mirror, I want you to take a good long look at yourself. Even if you think you’re the ugliest person on the face of the earth, I want you to pick some feature (from the neck up), address yourself by name and compliment yourself; give yourself a confidence boost. Example: “Lena, you have the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen.” “Lena, your eyes are as blue as the Caribbean seas.” I think you got it.

Some may think that this challenge is absolutely the dumbest thing they’ve ever heard of in their life. For every person who thinks I’m nuts, there’s three (I bet) who have a difficult time even calling themselves by name – or even saddest, can’t even look at themselves in the mirror because people at school (or even family members) tell them they’re ugly and they’re wasting time thinking that they’re beautiful.  

I had many friends in high school who were treated unkindly because they didn’t fit into the “gorgeous” stereo-type. I am thinking of one beautiful person in particular who’s name is Flor .. and I just remembered another beautiful person, but I can’t remember her name. I was at Denny’s two years ago with my Mom and two sisters; we were celebrating one of my sisters’ b-day. In the booth next to us was ELISSA! I remembered her name! She was someone I actually admired; she was – and I’m sure still is – a brilliant person. She was actually quite pretty – just like Flor.  

So! Anyway, back to the challenge! Even if you are a male, I challenge you to take the “Be Kind to Yourself Challenge.” Example: “Aaron, your eyes are as bright as the stars in the sky” or “Aaron, you have the best looking ears in the family.”

Challenge #1b: After completing the self-esteem exercises a few times; and feeling more confident about the feature, I want you to take action to accentuate it. Do something to bring attention to that feature or to pamper/nurture/celebrate it. Example: If you think you have great hair, try a new style. Maybe buy a new hair product to try or an accessory (for the females); combs, clips, headband, etc. If you have beautiful skin, buy a new product to help keep your skin beautiful; toner, moisturizer, mask, (for the females) make-up, etc.

1c: Finally, I want you to record your transformation; in a journal, notebook, etc. If you don’t have money to buy a nice journal, that’s fine. You can get a piece of notebook paper and decorate it in some way – to make it special. For those who want to buy a journal, do it – you deserve it. 

I just got a great idea – for those who don’t think they have any artistic ability, those who don’t have the finances, etc. Check back later – I’m going to do something special for you. 

So, now, let’s go over the challenge – 1a: Pick a feature (from the neck up) and compliment yourself every time you pass a mirror. 1b: Celebrate that feature with special treatment. 1c: Write about the experience. One self-worth journal prompt could be: “How did I feel after properly grooming my wolf-like brows?”

An example on what to write: “I used to think that my eyebrows were as hairy as a wolf, but now that I’ve learned how to groom them, they are quite attractive. This challenge has boosted my confidence level and has moved me to a state of being more at peace with myself. It’s not so hard to look in the mirror anymore.” Write as much as you can: about past thoughts and feelings of yourself, about how this challenge has changed your viewpoint, about how positive you feel now; that you’ve learned how to appreciate yourself. Maybe even write a poem or draw a picture to go along with your journal entry. 

I will leave you with this: You are a masterpiece; a treasure, and you are greatly loved–Be kind to yourself.

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